Football is back. Finally, a reason to skip church, to not
do chores, and to ignore loved ones. Sunday, the big day, the almighty NFL, a
legal monopoly, the government knows how important the NFL is so they ensured
you will be able to watch it, finally a government action everyone can agree about.
A football game is about 3 hours of television. It is the
highest rated TV show and the Super Bowl is always the most watched TV show of
the year. According to studies, the action of the game is less than 15 minutes
for a 60 minute game, yet we all sit and stare at the television as if we are
hypnotized, that is the only reason for the kickoff. The game broadcasts more
replays of the events on the field than actual action. That is the equivalent
of going to a long baptism to watch a baby get dunked in a bath and then
watching the dunking multiple times in slow motion.
We consider the athletes that play football to be some of
the best in the world, yet they are on the field doing something for less than
10 minutes (15/2 < 10 Offense and defense split) in a 3 hour game. These
athletes condition as if they are running a marathon, but actually are only
walking a block.
Why are we so enamored with a game that clearly wastes so
much of our time?
There are 5 reasons. Football is the television equivalent
of the internet. Very little good on it yet can’t get enough. Second, fantasy football
is an addiction that only gambling can revival because it is a form of
gambling. The commercials for fantasy football are begging you to get hooked on
fantasy football. That sounds awful like sitting someone down at a blackjack
table and begging them to bet. Third, the game is made for people with no
attention span. Miss a big play watch again not once but twice or three times.
Also, with less than 15 minutes of action it is easy to boil down the best
plays into a 2 minute highlight. Fourth, the scarcity of games, football can
only be watched Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays and only in the fall and
winter. Starve people from food than give them a food it will be the greatest
meal ever. Lastly, we have violence. People have loved violence since before the
romans had Christians “fight” lions. There is something about grown man hitting
each other being the male equivalent of women staring at babies giggling.
After telling all the reasons why football is probably not
in your best interest to spend time watching. I am hopelessly addicted. If
football was snortable there would be traces of it all over my nose. I would
need to be in a rehab clinic because of possible overdose by now. Thankfully,
football is not a drug and I can sit and watch will eating unhealthy foods (buggers,
chips, dip, pizza, or anything else fatty or covered in grease or cheese) prepping
myself to die like every good America of a heart disease.
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