One person’s desperate foolish hopeful attempt to make you laugh by providing endless hours minutes seconds of laughter. Trying to bring some nonsensical, occasionally relevant, boldly irreverent not too hurtful (I have liticaphobia), touchingly personal, or any other type of humor that I can write. Lastly, here’s hoping you laugh.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Oh The Week That Was 9/29 - 10/3



ATM fees are surging again, up 5% in the past year. It is amazing how expensive it is to get your money.

Walmart is opening a bank. Walmart’s next operation is leasing out warehouse space for housing.

George Clooney is now married. I am now closer to the top of eligible bachelors. I am number 999, number 950 here I come.

Derek Jeter played his last baseball game. Yankee fans were cring because they now know what it is like to be a Mets fan.

Bill Clinton is now a grandpa. Actually, this is the first grandchild he is claiming ownership to. Best headline of the week about this came from the New York Post (Another Liberal Crybaby)

Microsoft started the Microsoft Prediction Lab, an app and website where people can place a prediction and assign a confidence factor. It’s like betting without any monetary rewards

Yahoo is trying to merge with AOL. At least the battle of irrelevant 1990s companies is over

Argentina is found to be in contempt of Court by US Judge for not paying debt. If someone actually wants Argentina to pay take their soccer team.

Netflix is working on making its first movie a Crouching Tiger sequel. They promise to have a less porny name for the sequel. Adam Sandler will release 4 movies to Netflix. Actually, it is the same movie with Sandler in different outfits

A 15 year old boy wrote a viral letter about Emma Watson’s speech. In part saying we should not use the words like girly or manly. What a queer.

People are joining a new social media site called Ello. It’s Facebook without the ads, selling of data, and with a zero tolerance hate policy. It’s Facebook for nice people.

A black woman was shot in the back with a Taser by a white police officer after attempting to take her into custody. At least he didn’t use a real gun

Yoga studios are fighting a sales tax placed on gyms, fitness centers, and other places where people workout in Washington D.C. Yoga’s defense is that exercise is a byproduct of doing yoga for spiritual purposes. Gyms are trying to say that exercise is a byproduct of lifting for stress relief.

Oklahoma unveils new execution procedures. It’s nice to know there is another way to kill people besides murder.

A trooper was shot during gun training and died. And that was why; they were supposed to have gun training.

California Mayor was shot and killed by his wife. Coincidently, the California governor signed a gun law into place hours before.

Statistician predicts deaths in Games of Thrones using mathematically models. The model said all.

Hackers got information on more than 80 million account holders when they hacked into a bank. Time to put my money under the mattress

Italian parliament’s barbers are having their pay dropped from 136,000 euros to 99,000 euros. It is tough to live on that kind of money.

A woman was given the wrong sperm at a sperm bank and is suing. You can never trust a bank.

Lamborghini creates a 910 horsepower plug in car. Unfortunately, it still sounds like a kid’s toy

Celebrities who had nude photos stolen are trying to sue Google. Thank god we have proof they are pretty because they sure are dumb.
 
GoPro CEO donated shares to his new Charity which will be allowed to sell the shares 2 months before other investors. The charity’s cause is unknown which is my favorite cause to cure.

No comments:

Post a Comment