Popularity of religion is reaching all-time lows. That means
the Catholic Church is in desperate need of a marketing campaign and image
change. I figured if alcoholics could be great at marketing in the 1960s (The
Golden Age of Marketing) then I could be too (or at least dabble in it). Also,
they are desperate for popularity that my suggestions may actually matter.
My first suggestion is change the Body of Christ to the Ribs
of Christ. If you can offer a BBQ ribs with a side of Angel wings, people will
so up for the free snack. Start giving away T-shirts. A college student will do
anything for a free T-shirt and their minds are susceptible enough for them to
be converted. Have the T-shirts say “May God died for you” religion and guilt
it always works.
With all the standing, sitting, kneeling, replace the kneelers
with leg massagers. Ask people to do the wave every time they stand. Next, we
move into the time of the mass. In order to speed it up, insert a prayer clock.
People in attendance get to yell out the countdown when it gets below 5.
In order to get the younger generation, require churches to
be on twitter and the funniest priest working there has to post. Finally, have
a reality show competition called, “Who Wants to be a Deacon.”
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