Belligerent Sports Jock: Mascots

I am not sure if there is a more useless thing in sports than a mascot. A mascot’s job is to get the crowd more excited which can also be done with cheerleaders or a graphic on the big screen. A mascot’s other job is to give away free stuff which can be done by anyone else. Why not have the company giving the stuff away be the people throwing free stuff, that if it injures you, you cannot sue and are stupid.

I hope mascots tell their kids about the big games. I imagine it goes like this:

Dad: You see that person dressed as a tiger on the screen. That guy in there is me. I played the largest role that day. I kept the crowd entertained. I won the breakdance battle. Whenever the player scored I patted him on the butt. Sorry, it is really hard to not tear up when I talk about this win.

Child: Dad, your team lost the game by 35.

 
Dad: Yeah, but I was on my game. I don’t care that the players didn’t win. My and the cheerleaders played our best. You see that cheerleader that kind of has a baby bump. That’s your mom.