Oh the Week That Was 10/13-10/17/14

A man by the name of Howard Cocks Dickinson IV had his obituary open with a penis joke. Now, I need a new way to start mine.

According to a US military dossier, Hitler relied on a vast array of drugs prescribed to him by a doctor when ruling Germany from crystal meth to bull’s semen. The fact a doctor would prescribe bull’s semen is concerning.

Austria is having trouble selling the house Hitler was born in. This can be solved by a wrecking ball.

Oscar Pistorius (amputee runner) who killed his girlfriend had a proposal from a probation officer that he should serve community service. To be fair if he was a true hero he would have been found not guilty.

Typhoon Vongfong struck Japan. It did more damage than expected most likely because of the mocking it received from children.

Apple is joining Facebook in a willingness to freeze worker’s eggs. Your future can wait, but work can’t.

A Vietnam veteran’s prosthetic leg was stolen at a Philadelphia Eagles football game. Proving once again why Philadelphia is the home of the best fans.

TV Show Archer will phase out the name ISIS because with terrorist the old we had it first logic doesn’t work.

Alzheimer’s has been created in a dish. Al quickly forgot what a dish was.

Chris Brown was quoted as saying Ebola is a form of population control. Celebrities need to be like children seen but not heard.

An Alabama school had a 5 year old girl sign a promise to not kill after she drew a gun and fired her crayon like a gun. Don’t worry in twenty years this will keep her forming shooting her husband.

Chicago is the most rat filled city in the United States. Finally they are not the second city to New York in something.

A man trying to flee from police decided to run in a marathon. He only made it 2 miles before he was caught. He was easy to spot because he was the only runner in a jogging suit.

Plants are about 16% more effective at absorbing Carbon dioxide as previously thought. The environment is good for you just not your allergies.

Toyota recalls 1.75 million cars. Their new marketing campaign, we are still better than GM.

Honda won SUV of the year with the CR-V. Another thing American’s can’t win. It’s okay we got a participation award.

Seniors are victims of financial crimes on average of $30,000 with up to $100,000. This is sparking the slogan: Call your parents or lose your inheritance.

A woman was jailed for having a not done yard work. So there is punishment for not doing chores.

Lockhead Martin has made a breakthrough in the area of compact nuclear fusion, a process which combines two atoms creating 4x the energy as splitting an atom with no radiation. No jokes because if this is true, this is the best news of the week.

A recent study found that Rhode Island is home to the most immature men. New Jersey is better than one state now.

 

Biden’s Son was kicked out of the Navy for Cocaine use. He is like a Bush now. Next stop, presidency.

A man showed up to collect his 84.4 million jackpot dressed up in a bright yellow bear suit. He will be one of the few lotto winners who we will remember until a guy shows up dressed as Big Bird.

 
A man was reunited with his parrot after 4 years apart. The parrot now speaks fluent Spanish. This parrot did something college kids are unable to do in 4 years … learn a foreign language.