The Merry Pimp

Gather around kids. I am going to read you a story called, “The Merry Pimp.”

The merry pimp goes for a joyful walk through the hood. He is so enthused he starts to sing, “I am walking through hood with a pocketful of pimp slaps. Slap a ho. Slap a man. Slap the next thing that you see.” Smack. A baby starts crying.

Sometimes when the Merry Pimp is not as happy as he likes he sings a different verse, “I am walking through the hood with a pocketful of pimp slaps. Slap a ho. Slap a man. Slap the next three things you see.” Smack. Smack.

The Merry Pimp slapped the mailman and oh no his grandma. The pimp then says, “Sorry, Grandma.” Grandma replies, “No. No. I should have known better than to be near you when I hear you singing.”

When the Merry Pimp is really happy he starts to skip and sings, “I am walking through hood with a pocketful of pimp slaps. Slap a ho. Slap a man. Slap the next three things you see.” Smack. Smack. Smack.

 
The Merry Pimp slapped the district attorney, the judge, and the stenographer. That was the end of his slapping days. Now he sings, “I am walking through the cell block with a pocketful of pimp hugs. Shank an inmate. Shank a guard. Shank the warden in the arm.”