Oh the Week That Was 11/10 – 11/14

A man is forming a new KKK where people of any race can join. The uniform is a Technicolor dreamcoat.

ISIS likes to stay awake by pounding Red Bulls. They are similar to College Students, maybe now you understand why we have to prevent them from ruling part of the world.

ISIS is printing its own money. The head side is a decapitated head and the tails is a stick of dynamite.

A guy hit by a car gets ticketed for Jaywalking. That driver was doing his civic duty to protect the law.

A World War I chemical weapon is being used to grow strawberries in California. If must have been a bad weapon if it can't kill a strawberry.

Just Mayo is not Mayo. It is a yellow pea based product. I am not sure what disgust me more false advertising your product as mayo, call it hummus or something not gross, or the use of peas.

George W. Bush went on a date with Tricia Nixon and he struck out. Apparently, Tricia does not like guys who are like her dad.

Delta Airlines is stumped after a Delta lost a family dog. Delta Airlines is officially cat friendly.

A Boy survived a 230 foot fall without any live threatening injuries. I wanted to put in some rare good news.

 

Mormon Church admits that its founder had 40 wives. It is not cheating if you are married to them.

Chronic Pot Smokers have less gray matter in their brains. The spot where gray matter is suppose to be contains a special cartoon receptor.

The makers of Mountain Dew are trying a new flavor, Doritos.One stop munchies shopping

Chewing on ice is better than sex for some people. Those people have forgotten what sex is.

 

A new book claims Jesus had 2 children with Mary Magdalene. Rebuttal from the Catholic elite, “Nah Huh”

 

ESA landed a probe, Rosette, on a comet. I throw a rock throw a window once, so we are equals.

Scientist found 6 flame retardants in the human body. Add 5 minutes to all your home roasted human recipes.

A unicorn dear was found on 2 continents. Now all we need in order to have unicorns is have these dears mate with a horse, starting price for a unicorn $5 million.

A porpoise spent so much time mating that he died from it. So you are telling me there is a chance.

Urban Outfitters is releasing a Hillary Clinton nutcracker which crash nuts with her thighs. Bill reports that this is the first time she has had nuts between her thighs in years.

A teacher was fired one week after sending racially charged tweets. Traditionally, you wait for parental outrage or 2 weeks.

A non-working woman got $1 million in a divorce from her CEO husband and says she is appealing because she did not get enough money. Rich, lonely, and stupid woman sounds like a mark to me.

A man was told he was not allowed to vote because town records stated he was dead. The Social Security Agency said they might have made a mistake.

A mom used an app to track down her son only to find he was in a police station. Technology is making it harder to lie to your parents about cherry bombing a toilet.

A master hacker was brought down because he used his cat’s name as his password. It doesn’t take a master to hack into his life.

People admit they use work bathrooms to eat, cry, and exercise as long as they do not use it as a bathroom the company is happy. 

Date Rape drug GHB has been found on Brown University’s Campus. The students at prestigious universities need to understand that being a loser is not the reason people do not sleep with you; it is because you are ugly.