One person’s desperate foolish hopeful attempt to make you laugh by providing endless hours minutes seconds of laughter. Trying to bring some nonsensical, occasionally relevant, boldly irreverent not too hurtful (I have liticaphobia), touchingly personal, or any other type of humor that I can write. Lastly, here’s hoping you laugh.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Suck This: The True Tale of an American Binky



My tale is a very different tale. Actually it is the same tale, a tale of monotony. Life as a binky is not that hard, but you also cannot be soft. No one wants a flaccid binky. I need to be sturdy yet soft so that the baby can suck and suck and suck. How I hate the sucking. The sucking is not the worst. The teeth oh the teeth they hurt and scratch. It is like getting into a bar fight with a drunk cat. That is how most of my days are spent. I also fall a lot. Mainly, I fall out of a mouth or the dark canyon. I remember the first time I was about to be put into the mouth. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. Why? Why was I heading towards that? I wish I could have wet myself. Instead, I was placed inside the warmest and most wet place I have ever been in my life. It was glorious. The only thing better is that amazing warm bath I get every night. I get soaped up beautifully and then rinsed off. The only down thing is the constant falling. The carpet hurts less, but I get covered in dust and then I am shunned for the rest of the day. If I fall on tile it is a brush off the shirt and popped right back in. Those are great days. No life is better than the life of a binky.

No comments:

Post a Comment