Suck This: The True Tale of an American Binky

My tale is a very different tale. Actually it is the same tale, a tale of monotony. Life as a binky is not that hard, but you also cannot be soft. No one wants a flaccid binky. I need to be sturdy yet soft so that the baby can suck and suck and suck. How I hate the sucking. The sucking is not the worst. The teeth oh the teeth they hurt and scratch. It is like getting into a bar fight with a drunk cat. That is how most of my days are spent. I also fall a lot. Mainly, I fall out of a mouth or the dark canyon. I remember the first time I was about to be put into the mouth. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. Why? Why was I heading towards that? I wish I could have wet myself. Instead, I was placed inside the warmest and most wet place I have ever been in my life. It was glorious. The only thing better is that amazing warm bath I get every night. I get soaped up beautifully and then rinsed off. The only down thing is the constant falling. The carpet hurts less, but I get covered in dust and then I am shunned for the rest of the day. If I fall on tile it is a brush off the shirt and popped right back in. Those are great days. No life is better than the life of a binky.

Weather and Traffic: A Marriage Christened by the Devil

There is nothing better than being in a location where they are only use to sunshine and all of a sudden there is a rainstorm or snowstorm. It is like watching Aliens that have just landed on the planet seeing precipitation for the first time. They stare into the sky and they are mesmerized by it, then afraid of it, and then they cause a massive accident. Now your easy commute becomes and a long arduous trip. If only they knew what it was before then maybe you could have made it to work before hating yourself.  The worst is those sardonic jerks on the radio giving the report. Weaving in the dumb line of, “I am glad I made it to work already.” I re-route myself to their office and smack that jerk across the face. One day I would like to leave a permanent hand print so the next time that jerk says, “That reminds of the day someone smacked me in the face and sent me to radio.” That day I will smile and so should you because I would have done the lord’s work, especially if that jerk turned the other cheek.

Thank You Larry Wilmore

There is a new show on television that is actually exploring important topics in an insightful way and that show is The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore. Larry Wilmore is providing a show that actually talks about the issues. He sets up the topic, talks about it, and then has a panel. It is wonderful to see a person use the panel to show the sides and not to bombastically argue their own side (which is what typically occurs). He asks his guest to Keep it 100 and he does the same thing. I know this writing isn’t funny, but that is why it is short. Take the extra time that you would have spent reading this and laughing and instead watch a clip from The Nightly Show and let him make you laugh and learn